Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
