I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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