gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
