dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
