Got a toothbrush?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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