Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
