so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
