Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry about my life...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
