thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I enjoy the company of your penis
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
