Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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