Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
