wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
