wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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