She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
