Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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