Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
