i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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