If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
