she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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