woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
