I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
