whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
