Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my being single is dangerous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
