Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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