I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
