fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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