You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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