Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
