one might say we're banned from that church
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
