I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
