they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
