I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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