sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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