4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
