Duck Duck Cougar?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
