M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
