I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
