yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
