I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
