bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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