If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
