you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
