So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
