I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
