god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
