her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
