I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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