My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
