I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
