You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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