I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just pee around me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
