Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
