You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize