you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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