Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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