i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
