I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
