she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
