I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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