I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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