just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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