Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dicks are not precious.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
