I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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