How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
