just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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