spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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