We're facebook friends in real life
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
