sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
