On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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