I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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