He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.