I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
