he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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