did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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