Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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