Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
